You'd think that any store that equips themselves with a blue light should be able to attract my respect.
But no.
You'd think a store that consistently has diet mountain dew in stock would attract my respect.
But no.

It all comes down to one thing:
God damn, do I hate K-Mart.

I'm all about cheering for the home team. Living less than 7 miles from K-Mart headquarters, I know that shopping at K-Mart supports the tax base of my region. But I still hate them.

I guess I should list things that a store should never do.

  • The first person I see when I walk in the door should be an old man or woman smiling at me, welcoming me to your store. Not a goddamned armed guard. Why the fuck does your loss prevention staff need to carry firearms? I'm all about firearms, but come on, this is completely unnecessary.
  • I have two words to describe your store layout: It sucks. Seriously. The aisles are too small, the center ones are poorly designed, and the organization of products just sucks. And if your aisles are already kind of small to begin with, don't put shit in the middle of them. Whatever it is, I never even look at it, except in anger, because one of your slackjawed employees is gabbing away in the middle of the aisle instead of taking a customer down the lane a bit like a smart person.
  • Pick up a book on retail sales, and read about this concept called "Facing". Do it to your aisles. Seriously.
  • You may be in debt, but you're not helping yourself any by only having one cashier on duty. I've abandoned my stuff (usually in large quantities) in your checkout lanes twice now, and either gone without or gone elsewhere.
  • I hate Martha Stewart. I don't know why. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who only got hit with obstruction of justice didn't have much of a case against them in federal court, so it's not that she's a felon. It's that I never liked her to begin with. This, of course, means I don't want to buy shit with her name all over it.
  • Please kindly locate your lightswitches, and set all of them in the on position, and replace any burned out bulbs. Your store is lit like a dungeon, and that makes even the best laid out retail look bad. Imagine what it does to badly laid out retail, like yours.
  • STOP ASKING ME FOR MY GODDAMNED ZIP CODE. I hate it when your morons look at me like an alien just shot out of my mouth when I tell them I don't want to give them my zip code. Learn something from radio shack.
  • Please train your monkeys to at least have a general idea where things are in the store. Granted, there are quite a few knowledgeable ones (there's even a few really good employees!), but many of them are just idiots.
  • If you paid decent wages, you could hire employees at the register who aren't smacking gum and speaking in ghetto slang. Cashiers are the face your store puts forward. If that face spends all her time gabbing to the person next to them rather than ringing up my order, that reflects poorly on your store.
  • Express checkouts don't go in the middle of the checkout lanes. They go at the ends.
  • Mop the damn floors.
  • Fire whoever decided that blank videotapes, camcorder accessories, and other such things go a completely different place than the VCRs and Camcorders. Not only is it fucking irritating, you lose the chance to upsell on accessories. Doubly stupid.
  • Again, with the accusing stares from loss prevention when I leave. Put them in K-Mart uniform and take away their gun, or explain to me why a store in a suburban area where I don't even lock my doors unless I'm sleeping requires a fully armed guard. Again, I am all about the guns, but at least hire people who can get a CPL. I don't mind that they are packing, it just makes it look ghetto when they're open carrying.
  • If you are going to have a march of dimes donation bucket in the entrance, please use official logos and signage rather than coloring your own with markers. It really doesn't inspire trust.

16 thoughts on “K-Mart”

    1. They're too far gone to listen. This shit is basic, and I mean basic in the most basic way, like breathing, retail knowledge. If you don't know this, you have *no* business running any sort of retail location of any scale.

      I guess the difference is that I took business classes in high school and learned this, and they didn't. 🙂

  1. yeah, try INVENTORYING one of them. yuck.
    (what with the sucky facing, the dimness, the grunginess, the small aisles. plus, they start inventory at 6 in the frickin morning. way too early, especially on the ones where we have to drive 3 hours to get there).

    while I'm thinking of it, I think the headquarters for the inventory company that I work for is somewhere in your vicinity (but I'm not sure).

    I DESPISE Martha Stewart. bleh.

    I've never seen guards in Kmart before. though I see them in Target (doubt that they're armed. at least not around here. but still)

    1. This one's definitely armed. Target may have one here too. But maybe that's their fault, for putting a huge fucking target on their store.

      Yea, RGIS's headquarters is in Auburn Hills. I could be there in 15 minutes.

      1. I'm sorry for you. headquarters/corporate sucks sweaty donkey balls. At least that's the opinion of most of the field people. hehe

  2. I *believe* the video tapes being seperate from the vcr's is based on location. The electronics department is segregated from the main store (theft reduction I assume). The video tapes are more of an impulse item then a vcr, so they put it in a main aisle near the electronics. Not a bad idea unto itself assuming that this was a second location of blank tapes.

    note: they should obviously have tapes within 3' of the vcr's, but a second place for people just walking by and thinking "damn, I need blank tapes. In case my TiVo shits on me or something". But by that rationale in a year they should have external firewire hdd's as an impulse item.

  3. Actually, the guards don't need to be able to get a CPL, to carry concealed, as long as corporate tells them that they can carry concealed, while on the job. At least in Michigan.

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