By now, my comments in this situation are likely noticeably absent. I've spent most of the day questioning if it were real, if it actually happened. I actually stared at my CDR logs indicating the call. I hunted until I found proof that the data I was getting was legit. And ultimately I didn't feel any better about it.

Yesterday, I lost a good friend. The first guy I called when I got home from the FBI, the guy who would stop by and hang out, just to shoot the shit. It all started at RubiCon 4. I needed a room, and Dan posted to pen about having space to spare. I didn't know him, but I showed up with a DS3 test unit and a buttset, and he showed up with his own, much cooler buttset, as well as a punchdown block and several other things. I learned a lot about phone wiring that day. I knew the basics, sure, but when Dan teaches it, it's something entirely different. I had never seen someone use a punchdown tool to punch down a jack against their knee before. I tried, and, of course, hurt myself. But from that point forward, Dan and I were in contact. I remember a night when we were out on the town, making trouble. I think it was actually the night this userpic was taken:

He lost his phone where that photo was taken. The one in the photograph on the podium at his tribute site. We were almost done for the night when we realized he didn't have it. I think we met up with that night at a IHOP. This is where the pancake thing with and the fries thing with me started. We retraced our steps through berkley, and couldn't find his cell phone. Until we look under the car. There it was, crushed. Dan turned it on, and it worked. I was mighty impressed.

I remember buying his truck of doom from him (I was desperate for a car, and he needed the cash, so we worked it out), and nearly killing us both with the failure of the new brake calipers I put on because I didn't tighten the brake line tight enough after bleeding the lines. oops.
I remember when he came back.
I remember the debacle with ,
the debacle with ,
and all of that.

I remember the last time I saw him. I remember the last time I talked to him. I remember the last email I got from him.

I sit tonight, feeling crushed on the inside. This guy was a great person, doing great things for people. He was happy, truly happy. We talked about his desire to be an EMT. I thought he'd be great at it. He would.

Dan was a great person, and was one of my inspirations for knowing as much about phones as I do today. The thought that we'll never talk again is deeply disturbing.

I leave this post with a memory I got today. Some may not think it's appropriate, but if they don't, they don't really know Dan. He'll laugh his ass off as soon as he figures out how to get internet access in heaven.

One of the things Dan exposed me to was futurama. In fact, he left his discs here because we'd inevitably watch them when he was here. I found them today. One of his favorite quotes was from an epsode called "A head in the polls", where bender pawns his body, and it's bought by the head of richard nixon.

Today, he proved to me that bodies are truly, as bender put it so succinctly, "for hookers and fat people", of which he is neither.

I still was honestly surprised that when dan was pulled from the water, he didn't get up, look around, and just say "haha, gotcha, fuckers.". He's a survivor.

No matter what I say here, I can't even begin to describe the loss the world has experienced today.

Rest in peace, my friend.

PS: Stop haunting my UPS. I'm sure you think it's funny, but it's fucking up my tivo.

PPS: I may not post much or be around much this week. It's not due to all of this (well, at least not mostly due to this), but instead my new job, which is likely to take quite a bit of my time as I get used to it and get everything together. Try not to worry about me. I'm taking this pretty hard, but I'll be okay.

Daniel Kivel
July 5, 1971 – May 28, 2006

12 thoughts on “”

  1. you've prolly noticed that I neither feel nor express emotion very well, good or bad. Uncle Dale died, and my response "wow…that blows". Alex passed on, and my reaction was much the same. Dan however, I find myself shedding tears of sorrow one minute, and yet I read "haha, gotcha fuckers" I can help but smile a little. Then I read your PS: and I bust out laughing. I'm really going to miss that guy πŸ™

  2. Oh my God, Paul. You are right. Dan would LOVE that you posted the "bodies are for hookers and fat people" thing. I honestly laughed out loud when I saw that. I can almost hear him saying it now…

    1. Yea, I know. It's all I could think of when I heard that they couldn't find the body.

      You know he'd haunt me until the end of my days if I didn't make the joke. πŸ™‚

  3. Loss of Dan

    Paul,
    I am so sorry to hear about the death of your good friend Dan. It doesn't seem fair that someone who was using his life to better the lives of others would be taken from us. There are no words that will help with the pain of losing him. The only way to cope is to keep his memory alive with your words and actions. You all seem to know what Dan would say, think or feel about many different situations. I am sure you have all heard his laugh,seen his smile or experienced his wit. Keep him alive in your conversations, your thoughtfulness and your generosity. Maybe all of you could think of a way to honor his memory through donations to rebuild homes torn apart by Hurricane Katrina. Every man dies. Not every man really lives. – William Wallace From the movie Braveheart
    Love, Mom

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