Okay, okay. I suck. I was waiting to give Kevin Poulsen a chance to break the story of my sentencing, but he just called me back, and he's no longer with SecurityFocus, so here goes.

Misdemeanor computer intrusion, 18 USC 1030 (a)(5)(A)(iii)
2 years probation.
$100 fine.
$25 special assessment.

$100? What? Yes, $100. I've gotten a larger traffic fine. Nothing wrong with that, because I am in tons of debt, and the judge took that into account.

Here's the fun part:
For the time being, no firearms, no felons. If you have firearms, I'm not supposed to be around you. If you carry, and forget, I'd be happy to hold your firing pin or something like that, just so that I can prove that there's no way I could have had access to it. No idea why they're concerned about that, it's boilerplate stuff, maybe it can change, maybe it can't, but until then, please if you can don't have guns "accessible" to me.
Yes, this curtails my participation in some of the events that generally transpire on 4 July. Yes, this is more restrictive than my bond conditions, which simply restricted my purchase of firearms. Yes, it doesn't make sense. At this point, I don't want to rock the boat with my PO, so as much as it simply bugs me, I'll have to deal. I'm not a gun nut, but I hate having my freedoms restricted 🙂

If you are a felon and would like to talk to me:
Please, please email me. I need to work out either permission from my PO, or we have to go our separate ways for the next 2 years. Sorry. I'm a misdemeanor case, but again, boilerplate stuff, and I can't violate it. So email me details of what your charges are – what you're comfortable with. I doubt this will be a problem, but I've been surprised before. Please don't let my probation officer be the person who delivers the surprise, tell me first.

I've got a lot to say in the next few days. Stay tuned.
I've got about 1.5 years of journal entries that need to be transcribed into livejournal.

Wait, does this mean Paul has no computer restrictions?

Yes, that's what it means. It's good to be back.

Look out world.

[rant]
From time to time, people try to argue with me, and try and convince me that OpenBSD is a serious OS, one that I should waste my time administering. Okay, so it's got some credibility, sure. But does it have a good way to manage lots of machines? I'm not talking 5 or 6, I'm talking "Please expect a shipment of 74 servers next week" to add to a currently running datacenter. I'm talking paying for electricity by how many 20A circuits you use, and getting bandwidth 95th percentile.

Before you answer, the right answer is: Hell no.

I found more fuel to add to the "OpenBSD is the most unprofessional UNIX I've ever seen" department.

In my life, I tried OpenBSD. I really did. I fed it the best hardware I had. I gave it a decent shot.
It blew up in my face.

So, in the context of giving it a shot, I file a serious, well written bug report.

Bug reports

Holy crap. This is totally not me.

Man jailed for 'freak pipe death'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/nottinghamshire/4298757.stm

So. I got my DSL. It totally rocked ass for about 5 days.

Before Michigan Bell disconnected it for no damn reason.

Wait, you say, "you never did pay your bills, you punk." Yea, something about not having a car payment, combined with parentally enforced financial restraint due to owing them more money than the GNP of some small nations has made me quite fiscally responsible (Plus, is always finding ways to save money, having crossed that magical line of saving me more than she costs me a few months ago).
So needless to say, I was (and am) fully current on every bill I owe. Including SBC, for once. 🙂

Anyway, to make a long story short, remember back to when they swapped me onto the wrong pair, and found they could get sync on that? Well, they figured out that was dumb on Monday, and swapped me to the right pair, and my DSL worked perfectly since then. Save for one small moronic mistake:
THE MORON WHO SWAPPED ME ONTO THE WEIRD PAIR PUT IN A DISCONNECT ORDER ON THE RIGHT PAIR, WHICH TOOK ABOUT 1 WEEK TO PROCESS.

Yes, the one who caused my fucking problems to begin with, who I thought I'd never ever see, encounter, or think of again, found a way to screw the pooch in new and amazing ways.

So this is magical, you say. Oh yes. Especially since they have to re-establish my circuit as if I were a new customer. Which means another 3-5 business day wait on my install. I'm beside myself in anger. I promised my ISP I wouldn't cause severe bodily harm to the first SBC employee I encounter on my daily travels.

Please SBC, let me keep my promise to my ISP. Thanks!